The Sweet Life Ain't Always So Sweet

January 26, 2012

Ah, the sweet life! Well I'm not exactly living it right now. Yes, I'm sure you'd rather hear of cupcakes and happiness and sugar sweet sunshine on this blog but frankly, it's my blog and I'm going to do what I want with it, much to your chagrin. Remember when I wrote that post about dating? Not dating was actually more like it. To be honest, I was doing the match thing when I met someone IRL (as we say on twitter, meaning “in real life”). We'll call him George, to protect the innocent and camera-shy. George and I met back in July and through my “not wanting a relationship” and his not wanting the same, it seemed to work in a casual sense. We went through some ups and downs between not talking and talking, dating, being friends, being more than friends... or whatever you want to call it, we ran the gamut. I actually wrote a blog post (that I never posted) back in November about this guy and ironically I'm going to share an excerpt with you now since it still fittingly holds true:
'I may have previously written that I want to be alone, that solo jaunts are stellar, that I don't want to rely/like/need a man (I am woman, hear me roar). Is alone all it's cracked up to be? Not really. Especially when it's accompanied by tears, regrets and emotional self lashings. Essentially, in my heart of hearts (because your heart has a heart?) I might want more than I can handle right now. Dating brings with it not only this weird sensation of feeling like I'm cheating on my business but also deep down the thing I'm most afraid to admit: a fear of being HURT. You put yourself out there like I did with George (ok, I probably didn't really put myself out THERE but I dipped my toe in the water of there!) and you wake up alone/hurt/unworthy of a good catch and realizing that you never want to do that again.'
This, my friends, was written 3.5 months ago. I may have not fully put myself out there back then but we decided to continue on and see where things went. Where things went was to me certainly putting myself out there last night. So where did I wake up this morning? Alone. For George wholeheartedly does not want a relationship nor a commitment and as much as he says it's not personal, we all know that it is. And so it hurts. What's a gal to do but to continue on though? Onward and upward they say! This entry is my closure because in my life, closure needs to come fast. The cupcake business is about to boom and it'll only happen with me fully cognizant behind the wheel. If George doesn't want to join the journey then so be it. George is a great guy, he truly is. I have not a bad word to say about him and I still wish he wanted more. However, the universe does not want us to be together, it seems. I know I'm a pill for any guy to handle and I may never find the guy that wants to deal with me but I know I'll be fine. And George will be fine too, for the good guys always seem to trip over the “right girl” after the crazy girl runs back to her own crazy world. Well, this crazy girl is going to refocus on the cupcakes for now. Cupcakes = Life Heather Cupcakes

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