Patience: A Four-Letter Word x2

July 28, 2012

Patience. Do you hear that? Do you FEEL that? Patience. Wait for it. Wait for the feeling. Those two syllables, “pa-tience” can elicit more fear, more anxiety, and more catastrophic brain waves than the act of traipsing through Cobbs Hill Park alone, at midnight, on a dark and stormy Friday. Patience. I’ve been commanded of it more often than not, lately. From lengthy email correspondences with my editor (and newfound friend), reassuring me that patience is the way of the publishing world, to the fully CAPITALIZED (which we all know equates to SHOUTING) instant messages from my web designer insisting I learn patience, since he’s working as fast as he can. BE PATIENT has become a torrid theme these past few weeks; even the dating app, Ok Cupid flashed me a clear (yet unnecessary!) warning to “BE PATIENT” early this morning. Patience. WHY is this a crazy concept for me? They (whomever “they” are) say that good things come to those who wait. Well, I firmly believe that good things come to those who GO AFTER THEM. They (the same “they” who spoke the latter) say that a watched pot never boils. Well dammit then, if the pot isn’t boiling, the burner must be broken and that pot is going straight into the microwave because the microwave NEVER lets a gal like me down. Patience. It’s a virtue, don’t you know? Actually, this idiom that “they” speak of, I do believe to be true. Patience is a virtue, and it’s a virtue that I desire. I desire to acquire the ability to quell the nerves that dance a maniacal samba inside my fingertips and toes. I desire to build a brick wall for my anxiety to crash into BEFORE it jumps into my Kia Sportage and onto the I-90 headed towards Misery Falls. I desire a semblance of peace, a restfulness that flows when hearing those two frightening syllables. I desire an ability to live in the moment, to LIVE in the waiting, to experience the journey. Turning my head and observing the coffee house calm, I see people waiting all around. A man in madras shorts and a blue polo waits for his date to return from the bathroom. The hipster-ish barista waits for customers to walk through the front door. The red Honda with five cars behind it waits at the stoplight. The 20-something woman in an ill-fitting dress waits for her laptop to power up. And you know what? They seem OK with this waiting. I’m also waiting. Right this moment, I’m waiting. I’m writing these words, yet I’m waiting. Can you understand how although I’m ACTIVELY writing, my monkey mind still FEELS like it’s waiting. I’m waiting for a guy I like to return my text. I’m waiting for just the RIGHT words to come to mind and flow through my fingertips. I’m waiting for my bladder to decide it needs a restroom break. I’m waiting for 7pm, the proper time to eat dinner. I’m waiting for tomorrow to come, so I can make it better than today. An obscene thought: wish away today in hopes of a better tomorrow. This, my friends, is a prime example of a mind that’s absent of patience. It’s a mind that’s seeking speed, seeking action, constantly in motion. Some may even theorize that it’s seeking avoidance: avoidance of something that can only be uncovered when the mind allows itself to be still. Patience. Patience will unearth the truth, it will clear the cluttered corners, it will open a space to BE, and in BEING you are in fact DOING, and no longer WAITING. See how that works? Patience… here I come. Cupcakes = Life Heather Cupcakes

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