Seriously Obsessed With Kale

April 12, 2013

Ok, I’m not. I thought maybe this uber hip conglomerate of words would catch your attention though. Did it work? Can we continue now? I’m turning thirty next month and frankly, I’m freaking out about it. I usually only freak out about things that I don’t have control over and this seems to be no exception. Thirty is being forced on me, I really have no choice in the matter. Thirty seems light years away from twenty-nine and by thirty I need to be doing something magnificent with my life. Maybe create some offspring, tie the knot, win an Oscar? At age thirty I can no longer hibernate in a cramped studio apartment, can’t microwave all of my dinners, and need to own more furniture than just my prized $100 Target coffee table and 10 year old bed (minus headboard, of course). I need to have a circle of amazing friends who invite me over for dinner parties and cocktails while we gush over their new babies and funny YouTube Star dogs. I need to host my own dinner parties and cook elaborate dishes I discovered on Pinterest. At thirty I need to afford luxurious relaxing vacations and jet around the country with my “love”, sharing photos of every meal and smile along the way. You’ve read those Top 30 things you must do before 30 lists, right? Well SHIT you guys, I haven’t done all these things. I haven’t summited a mountain and I don’t have a retirement account. I don’t have a skin-care regime for all those fine lines that will begin popping up and I’m not on the brink of marriage or babydom. On the upside, I am moving out of the studio apartment and into a large rented house, albeit with roommate… so wait, is that a step up or a step down? I don’t have that retirement account or 401k but I am on the brink of taking my gourmet frosting line to the entire east coast. Teetering on the brink… does that still count? My frosting cookbook will be released in the fall. Which will be after I’m thirty. Published author at thirty? Twenty-nine had a better ring to it, huh? Well, dammit. Good thing I’m thinking about this now, with a month still to go. Maybe if I focus, by thirty, I can at least become seriously obsessed with kale. Frosting = Life Heather Cupcakes

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