How To Figure Out What You Want, In 8 Steps

August 27, 2013

It was several months ago when I started taking Omega 3’s. They say Omega 3’s help with brain fog, which is something I had been experiencing a lot of lately. There was so much yet so little occurring in my life that I was struggling to figure out what I wanted because it felt as though there was this giant cloud in my brain obscuring any real answer. I ran through the possible life solutions in my head with speed. Do I want to write another cookbook? Do I want to buy this Sleep Innovations Memory Foam Mattress? Do I want a dog? Do I want to buy a house? Do I want to audition for Wipe Out? Do I want to design more T-Shirts? Do I want to move to Montana and work on a farm? Do I want to move to Orlando and work as Snow White so I can wear this Costume everyday?  Or do I want to get married and wear a poofy white costume for one night? Do I want to dump my boyfriend for a life of nomadic wandering? Do I want to live in a hut in Portugal selling my hand-made olive oil frosting? Not knowing what you want can be exhausting. You think, “If I could just figure out what I want then I could make some steps towards getting it,” and “How can I not know what I want? What’s wrong with me?” And if you fall into the deep dark hole of comparing yourself to those who seem to unfailingly always know what they want, life can feel stressful, confusing, and lonely. I say this with love because no one else will tell you—you are not alone in the clouds, my friend. I’m here to help. Why me? Because my life has been one great big cloud; yet through that cloud, I’ve accomplished things. So I assure you I’m a semi-expert at cloudy travel. How To Figure Out What You Want When You Don’t Know What You Want
  1. First, you must recognize that the cloud is not going to magically go away and stay away. The cloud in your head is just like the clouds in the sky—some days they part, some days they clear, and some days they seem like they’ll remain for all time. Accept this so you can move forward
  2. Start with tackling one unknown in your life this week. Do you want to figure out if you should give up your bartender job to feed goats at a petting zoo? Or are you trying to figure out if you want to paint your living room  Yolk Yellow or Pea Soup Green? Have you been debating on buying a Subaru for months? On Friday I decided I wanted to figure out if I truly wanted a dog or not. I had been wavering for months and the confusion and indecision was taking up loads of my brain energy.
  3. Research your options. Exhaustively. You need to feel as though you’re an expert on the topic. It’s important to dispose of as many unknowns as possible. Research the petting zoo. Go observe the employees and goats in action. On Friday after deciding that I wanted to figure out if I wanted a dog I moseyed down to the animal shelter to see what dogs needed homes. On Saturday I went back to that shelter, then to another shelter, then to 3 pet stores that were holding dog adoptions that day. Research. Check out your options. Immerse yourself.
  4. Once you’re confident that you’ve conducted extensive research it’s time to envision and feel. Can you envision yourself driving that Subaru all around town? Can you feel what that would feel like? Exciting? Boring? Really try to feel it. Still unsure? Take it for a test drive. Still unsure? Take it for another. They say when you meet the right dog, you just know. On Friday I met a dog that I liked, but I didn’t know like they say you should know. So I went back to see him Saturday and on Monday too. Don’t be afraid to visit and revisit when you still don’t know what you want.
  5. By now you should be familiar with your options, confident in your research, and tuned in to the feelings that each option elicits. Where are you feeling drawn? Are you feeling pulled in one direction or another?
  6. Now one of two things may happen—you might have come to a decision and figured out what you want (in this case, congrats, you made it!) or you might still be wavering. If you’re still wavering the Universe will try to pull one of your options away. That egg yolk colored paint? Discontinued. The Subaru? Sold out. That job at the petting zoo? Position has been filled. This is your ultimate “How To Figure Out What You Want When You Don’t Know What You Want” test. You’ve just been told that you can’t have what it is that you were unsure of wanting so...
  7. Will. You. Fight. For. It?
  8. Will you call the paint manufacturer and beg them to find a remaining can of that egg yolk colored paint? Will you phone every Subaru dealer in the country searching for that one model you’ve been hemming on all this time? Will you drive straight to the petting zoo to talk your way into a similar goat-feeding job?
When you’re willing to fight for it is when you have finally figured out exactly what you want, after all this time of not knowing what you wanted. Congratulations!   What do you want?

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